Growing up, I was told that asking for help was a sign of weakness.
I am still told that today by some.
Some say it aloud and directly, “Why are you asking for help? Are you so poor? Why are you taking away from those who really have need?”
Others say it implicitly through glances that say, “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
But there is no shame in allowing others to contribute.
Much of my greatest joy in life comes from contributing to those I love.
Whether it is through gifts of time, talents, or treasures, I am blessed by sharing my blessings with others.
Recently, I’ve realized the power of letting others also contribute to those I love and to me as well.
Whether my sister’s transition fund or my son’s school book room, tweets and texts in which I share my vulnerability, or support when I’m trying to do something that I’ve never done before and know I don’t know how to do, being sourced by community has been life changing.
I have always sought to belong.
Belonging has often felt elusive.
But in allowing others to contribute to me, I am growing stronger, and so is a sense of enduring belonging, of greater contribution.
I am speaking back to the voices that seek to silence me, distance me, and tell me that I must do everything on my own.
It is beautiful, beyond what I could dream, to be embraced, held and supported by a community that sees you.
For those of us who like to serve/help others, it’s often hard for us to ask for help. I remind my students (who tend to be helpers as well), that unless we tell people we need help, they don’t just magically know it. We have to take responsibility to let folks know when we need help, instead of harboring resentments that they can’t just “see that we need help.”
At the same time, for every time I have helped or served others, I can’t do that unless they have allowed me to help them. Sometimes it is the gift we give to allow others to help us.