Yesterday, I started on a blog post, which I am continuing today, in a similar but different space. Here were my thoughts yesterday:
It is hard, in these days, not to bear witness to harm and human suffering.
It seems that it is everywhere around me, even as I try to minimize my contact with social media, limit how much news I take in, and focus on the beauty and joy that continue on in the face of challenging times, I am still so acutely aware of so many people senselessly suffering around me, in my country, and throughout the world. Suffering borne of policy decisions or hatred or a valuing of “law” over justice or a commitment to being right over being compassionate.
Professionally, I also think about the implications for education. Federal cuts to funding that supports language development, that ensures basic minimal civil rights for disabled students, and that enriches programs aimed at bringing more diverse people and perspectives into teaching will bring more harm and hardship for teachers and students, many of whom are already vulnerable, and have been running on very little for a very long time.
I think about how teachers, who already face so much deprofessionalization of their work, work which requires deep knowledge, skills and personal investment, will be faced with even more challenging working conditions with fewer supports.
Here is my continuation today:
This morning started out with receiving the worst and least meaningful teaching evaluations I’ve ever received, in nearly 25 years in education. For a confluence of reasons, only 3/24 students completed my evaluations and the feedback I received was completely inconsistent with other measures (e.g. reflective feedback, in-class feedback, etc.), including the naming of others not involved in my section of the course as part of the critique for my course. It was strange, felt like trolling (or some other form of dehumanization), and, while I have been working hard not to norm according to external validation (especially in cases where the feedback doesn’t make any sense), it made me sad.
I am human, as my dear friend reminded me, and I care deeply about teaching teachers. In fact, I’ve dedicated my life to supporting teachers (and students, including students who are teachers!), in my research and my practice, so missing an opportunity for relevant feedback is hard, and the gratification of strong, clear affirmation is something that keeps me going. This is what it is, and I embrace this as part of my ongoing humanity. I also think about how, in earlier seasons of my life, this was one of the few things that kept me going, validation from my students that I was contributing to their learning. Now, I am fortunate to be able to keep things like this morning’s evaluation results in perspective, but I remain unapologetically human.
Where I was going yesterday and where I continue towards today is remembering that this is a hard time because I am so deeply relational. At my core, I value people in all of their humanity. I show up for them, always, even when it sometimes means not showing up for myself (I’m working on this last part). I meet them where they’re at. I want for us all to win. This brings me my greatest joy, and this is what I hope will be my legacy. A legacy grounded in love.
After a rough start this morning, I have been reminded how loved I am and that my love and commitment to others makes a real difference, to my family, my friends, my current & former students, my community, and in the world. I am holding on to this, and the resolve that no matter how hard things seem, if I can continue to be guided by love, even when it is not recognized for its value and contribution, in the end, the world will be a little bit brighter and better.
And I am grateful to my community who ALWAYS reminds me that I am loved and seen. I do not take it for granted.