I’m so freaking tired

Photo by Volkan Olmez on Unsplash

It’s been a long month since I last wrote. I’ve been busy. And tired.

Mostly tired.

In the last month, I got sick with a flu that had me bedridden for 5 days.  I have not been so sick in 20 years.

In the last month, there have been at least 11 school shootings and numerous gun threats to schools. (The linked article was before Great Mills and I may have missed some others in the last week)

In the last month, a local city has introduced (and preliminarily passed) an ordinance to opt out of California’s sanctuary law.

It’s also the busiest part of the semester, with multiple assignments due, two doctoral students finalizing their dissertations, a masters student finalizing her thesis, a large research conference and a small regional symposium to attend, a local march to support school safety, multiple events for my 6th grader (both for the end of elementary school and the transition to middle school), research proposals to revise, 3 web chats, 2 consulting jobs, a church LGBTQ forum to work on, and training for a half marathon.

I’m sure I’m forgetting something.

This is not a “woe is me” blog post, and I’m fine, for those of you that worry about me. I know it will all get done (by me or someone else). Or, it won’t get done and the world will likely go on.

This blog post though, is a moment of defiance, a moment of reflection and a moment that has me look deeply into the commitment I made on Valentine’s Day (which was, coincidentally this year, Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent), a commitment to be more present, to take on less and to focus more on taking care of myself.  (I also made a commitment to give up desserts and soda, which has proved the easier commitment)

If this blog is a symbolic space, it is also an actual space for reflection and regrouping.  When I don’t have time or make time for the moments I spend writing, I know that I will continue to run myself down.

In the midst of everything that requires action and reaction, sometimes the most important thing to do is to stop, breathe, assess and focus on where you can best use the time and energy you have to serve the people around you.

I’m going to do that now.

I’m committed not to remain so freaking tired.  It’s time to rest, to regroup, and to focus so that I can make the change I’m committed to in the world, starting with a sustainable self.