I read an interesting article this morning called “Coming Out as Academic Mothers” written by Sarah Birken and Jessica Borelli, two mothers, one of whom is a 3rd year post-doc who opted to work half-time to spend more time with her children and the other who is an assistant professor with 3 children under 5 at a liberal arts college.  It was timely, in that I’m 22-weeks pregnant and about to re-enter the world of infant motherhood (I’m a mother thrice already of adopted twin girls who came to me at 15 and are now 25 and my biological son who is almost 9).  While I’ve been a mother (and an infant mother) before, I’ve never done so on the tenure track.  Still, seeing the article really helped me to reflect and think proactively, something that I’m trying hard to do before the May arrival of our little girl (I didn’t ACTUALLY plan to have a post-semester baby, it just worked out that way, really).

I have to start by saying that I am probably in the most fortunate academic setting that one could be in as an expectant mother.  My dean and colleagues have offered nothing but support for me and understanding of whatever choices I make in relation to the time I need to bond with my new child and take care of myself before and after her birth.  However, until reading the article this morning, I didn’t realize that so much more of the struggle I’m facing is not (really) about the external pressures of academia, but about balancing my own ambitions and expectations as an academic with my ambitions and expectations as a mother.

And, let me tell you, that’s a journey.

In their piece, Birken & Borelli talk about 3 norms of American society (taken from Robert Drago’s Striking A Balance: Work, Family, Life): the motherhood norm, the ideal-worker norm and the individualism norm.  While life and motherhood have taught me a lot about how it takes a village to raise a child, countering the individualism norm and causing me to seek help and support in that area, I still really struggle with both the motherhood and ideal-worker norm, partly because my own personal identity is so wrapped up both in being an amazing (Pinterest worthy, PTA treasurer, classroom volunteer, cooking wholesome meals, helping with homework but still fun and caring) mom and being a contributing member of an academic community (through teaching, service AND research, all of which I genuinely love).

While I really appreciated Birken & Borelli’s perspectives, a lot of their advice didn’t get to the heart of what I know is my issue in being an academic and a mother.  Being a mother and an academic both give me life.  They are roles that I cherish, relish and find to be a privilege each day.  But, what often gets lost and what I hope to struggle through in this blog, in this year, and on this journey, is finding myself (and time for myself) in the balance of motherhood and academia.

When I had my son, almost 9 years ago, I was still adjusting to being a new mother of teenagers as my daughters came to our family just 7 months before I became pregnant the first time.  I didn’t really know how to mother 3 children with their various needs and very different life stages while also balancing a full time job as a teacher.  I got sucked into all 3 of the norms that Birken & Borelli mention, trying to do it all myself while maintaining full-time (sometimes more than full-time) work, and got really sick, almost losing everything that I had worked so hard to achieve.

From this healthier place and the journey of these past 10 years of parenting, I know that as easy as it will be to lose myself in the demands of family and work, I’ve got to make sure to take time for my two new year’s resolutions: blogging (which represents time to reflect in writing) and self-care (which reminds me to honor who I am as an individual so that I can also give my best to all I do for others).  And that can only happen by reaching out, taking time and accepting my own limitations.  I know it’s going to be a step-by-step, day-by-day (maybe even moment-by-moment) journey, but I also know the rewards will be great, not only for myself but with the difference I seek to make in all my roles in the world.