I have said no three times in the last week.

This is a pretty major accomplishment.

Two of the three times I really wanted to say yes. They were important asks by organizations that I respect and want to serve. The other time, I felt guilty about what I felt like I should do and could do, but just didn’t want to do.

But I said no.

It was the right time to say no to these things.

And in saying no to these things, I am beginning saying yes to myself, and well, reclaiming my time.

Tonight I got asked to consider a service opportunity that I really want to take on. After feeling SUPER burnt out for the last few weeks (and knowing that this next 6 weeks has 2 east coast trips in the works), I actually had forgotten what it felt like to be excited to serve.

But, instead of just saying yes, I asked for “coaching” or a thought partner to help me think about what I could take off my plate to say yes to this thing that I’d really like to do.

This is progress.

I am also learning to delegate in my non-work life.  I am blessed to be surrounded by people who don’t want to see me burn out and who are willing to help, if I can figure out ways for them to support me. So, I have to commit to  finding these ways so that this delegation can happen more naturally for me.

The last few days, I’ve gotten back to the data for a study that is super close to my heart.  I’ve been able to read through final drafts of chapters for a manuscript I’m editing and can see that my feedback is making a difference, and that this work can make an impact for others.  I’ve had energy and conversations with friends that have reminded me of the importance of reclaiming my time, of my value separate from my productivity, and that, if I’m going to be a mouse in a bucket of cream, I’d better keep swimming until I can make it into butter.

I am learning to let go.

I am unlearning the false narrative that my worth is attached to what I do, especially all that I do for others.

I still have a long way to go.  I still have a plate piled too high with all the things.

But I am very slowly learning how to let go of just a few of those things.

I am breathing a little deeper, a little more freely. I am tasting liberation like a snowflake on the tip of my tongue, almost imperceptible, but there nonetheless.

And it’s a lovely thing.