I am doing a lot of learning and unlearning lately.

In my last post, I wrote about the importance of my son being seen and recognized as a leader, something that I worked so hard for all of my life, but which felt so elusive in my youth.

Following that post, he received word that he had been offered a position on the youth leadership team for which he applied.

He had been chosen.

Then he told me, “But Mom, I think I’m going to respectfully decline.”

In my head, I thought, “Wait, what?! But you went through all the trouble of applying and these people see your potential and this is such a growth opportunity for you, and I just blogged about this!”

Fortunately, only some of those words actually left my mouth, and not in those ways. I asked him why he decided to decline.

He responded, “I just don’t think it’s the right thing for me. I went to the orientation before they chose people and heard more about it, and I still don’t feel like I have a lot to contribute to the team. It just isn’t something that I truly feel passionate about.”

This was a good answer.

But, it was so hard for me to let go of this opportunity…for him.

I pushed a bit more, “Well, are you sure? I mean, it’s an honor to be chosen and they feel like you could contribute something, and I’m sure you could contribute something even if you’re not sure what yet.”

He stood firm, “Yeah, I just think that it’s important to really be passionate about something that’s going to take so much time. I don’t want to just do it to do it. And, I think it would conflict with Tae Kwon Do.”

So, that was it.

He declined the spot, and went on with his life.

My son teaches me a lot, but this was an especially important lesson.

Sometimes, life gives you opportunities that are just not in your lane. Or, they’re in a potential lane, but they’re not your passion.

You can be like him and say no, and move it along, so the opening is there for when your opportunity does come.

Or, you can be like I have always been in my life, rushing to say yes because I’m honored by the opportunity or because I’d be good at it or because I feel like I should do it, in gratitude for someone’s belief in me, even when I know that I don’t likely have the time or energy to take one more thing on.

When I say yes in the times I should say no, it always comes back to confront me.

And while that discomfort also teaches me, and makes it less likely for me to say yes (to something I should say no to) in the future, it teaches me from a different place than my son’s lesson.

My son is reminding me to stand in my truth, the knowledge of myself, and faith that other opportunities are around me and will come to me.

He is not worried that he will never have another chance to be part of a team because he knows who he is as an individual.

And he is loved, even when he makes choices that make the tiny inner tiger mom inside me cringe.

That tiger mom self is much harsher on myself than on him.

So, what have I learned in this last week:

1. We can apply to things we’re not sure we want. We can make choices when the choices are ours to make. We can say no.
2. Sometimes we’ll say the wrong yes or no. It will still be okay.
3. The best choices are made when we are fully aligned with our passions, and choose from those places.

I am grateful that I am growing, and learning with and from my family and myself during this time. It is a gift that I am not taking for granted even though sometimes it is uncomfortable.

I am reclaiming my agency and learning to embrace my imperfections, reminding myself that if I keep bringing myself authentically to my life, the doors to opportunities aligned with my true passions will open up.