I am learning to sit with and declare sadness.

Today, I am sad for no particular reason other than that I am living in a pandemic and choosing not to “power through” but still faced with an enormous amount of work to do that I can’t dismiss because this is simply not who I am.

Integrity can be hard sometimes.

Knowing that you are capable of more while also trying to resist the idea that productivity is a measure of your worth is hard.

Wanting to work on projects that require your full heart and brain and not feeling like either of those is ever available is hard.

Feeling deeply that there is community in sadness and that only through being with what is can you make space for what you wish to be is hard.

Living with grief in the time of pandemic is hard.

Pushing yourself towards sustainability when NOTHING in your life is set up to push you towards sustainability is hard.

And I’m tired.

Because I am human and humans get tired when doing hard things and living in hard times and acknowledging our humanity.

This is all what it is. I am committed to living as fully human, in sadness, in the struggle to reclaim my humanity, in a culture and brain that pulls for over-productivity, in joy and in community.

There is freedom in truth telling even when moving towards the truth feels like a very long process.