A week ago, I was entering the last 12 hours of my time in Barcelona, at the end of two weeks in Europe which I promised would be the marker of a new phase of my life, a time when I would lean into spaciousness and dreaming, no longer pulled by false urgency and the demands of the hustle. A time when I would listen more to my internal voice and truth, trusting myself and leaning on community, instead of numbing myself with distractions and stress about things I cannot control.

Honestly, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep this up for even a week at home.

This week has been a lot.

There are many transitions happening in my personal and professional life. Some are planned pivots and others have caught me by surprise.

I have cried almost every day this week. I have had a terrible migraine, the likes of which I haven’t known since the darkest time of my life. I still do not have my voice fully recovered. I have found myself in deep moments of grief and questioning.

I have also felt an amazing abundance of peace and joy this week. I have taken walks. I have written every day on research of my heart. I have read. I have responded to e-mails, and worked on administrative parts of my grant. I have connected with people I love deeply in multiple areas of my life. I have taken moments to breathe, to slowly sip tea at the perfect temperature, to check in with myself, to show myself grace. I have been setting intentional boundaries on my time, my energy, and my heart.

This week has been a lot. Abundance all around me. Intention and cultivation.

I don’t like transitions. Change is hard. Unlearning is hard. Acknowledging and choosing what is true for me, even when it is not what I’d like to see is hard. It is especially hard because I worry about the impact of all of these things on people I love.

It has been a week.

But at the end of this week, I am present. I am present to calm. I am learning to pause. I am listening to what my heart wants and what I am called to do. I am remaining open to possibility and moving towards living a life that is honest and grounded in love, even when it is complex and complicated and challenging.

It has been a week, a hard but honest week, a beautiful and confronting week. I am ever more committed to weeks like this, moment by moment, as I move towards creating the world I believe in.