This morning, I return home to my family after a wonderful weekend visiting my friend Yafa, outside of Seattle. I really love the Seattle area. But, it’s been 8 years since I’ve been here. The last time I was here was during one of the hardest periods of my life, and there was a lot of pain and trauma associated with that visit and that time period.
And so, today, I am grateful for reconciliation.
The situation that I was responding to 8 years ago is deeply personal and hasn’t really gotten better. In many ways, it’s gotten worse, although in others, through time and distance, I’ve healed from the direct impact of that time in many ways. This trip was a good indicator of how far I’ve come in terms of being present and letting the past be the past.
I am grateful for reconciliation.
This trip was full of peace and joy. It was free and easy. It was beautiful and loving. It was simple with abundant friendship, healthy and delicious food, time for reflection and stillness.
I am grateful for reconciliation.
What I’ve realized in writing this refrain is that sometimes reconciliation doesn’t come in resolution of complicated and heart-breaking situations. Sometimes reconciliation must be a deeply personal journey in which we move forward, accepting what was and what is, and finding the joy in people and places that are present with us now, that help us live in the moment we are in, that help us visit old places with new eyes.
I am grateful for reconciliation.
As I head home today, I know I’ll return again to Seattle before another 8 years goes by. I will do so with the fullness of all my experiences in the area — the hard moments and the joyous moments; the darkness (especially in the winter!) and the light, the pain and the joy. Seattle is, perhaps, just a city, but it is also a symbol, of the inner reconciliation that I have been experiencing in multiple parts of my life — choosing what to let go so that I can take in new experiences, breathing deeply to honor what has past and what will come, being calmer and clearer, in the face of an unknown future and a challenging past.
Being here.
I am grateful for reconciliation.