Come Fall 2018, I’ll be looking for a new name for this blog.

Yesterday morning, as I was working on prepping my summer school course, the e-mail that I had been waiting for all year arrived: a link to the Provost’s decision letter, making my tenure and promotion a reality.

It has been a journey.  From the first days captured on this blog until today, there have been beautiful, unforgettable moments — moments of joy and inspiration.  There have also been moments of incredible struggle, sorrow, shock and grief.

When I think back to my life as an assistant professor, I remember many things. I remember the professional: my first year struggles with the transition from the K-12 classroom to academia and questioning whether I would be enough to “make the cut;” many final reflections from each semester that focused on how my students left deep and lasting impressions upon me; the struggle to write and publish; new opportunities for learning and growth; activities promoting engagement and reflection in my classroom; thinking through new curriculum and courses.

I also remember the personal.  Some of which was captured vividly and painfully on this blog: the horrible December day that my brother called me as he was on his way to Sandy Hook school to pick up my nephew; struggles with complicated grief and the personal legacy of losing my mother as a teenager compounded by my own struggles with my eldest daughters; the process of caring for and losing of my aunt; the struggles with work-family balance.  Some of which was marked by noted silence, like the birth of my youngest daughter 3 years ago, in the middle of the journey towards tenure.

As I’m writing and linking, I’m also realizing that these themes of the personal and professional, of constructing a professional identity as an assistant professor span many of these posts and much of my early career (N=177 posts over 6 years seems like a decent number for a self study to me!).

Professionally, as someone who studies teacher identity development and is increasingly committed to examining teacher educator identity development, this blog has been a gift to help me think through my own complex development.  But, as a person, this blog has meant so much more.  It has been a sacred space for writing and sharing things that I sometimes can’t say out loud without bursting into tears, or that I sometimes didn’t even know I needed to say. It’s been a space to be fully myself, exposing my humanity, vulnerability, and highlighting my joy and triumphs along the way.

I have the summer to think about how to transition this site, but for now, as I have so many times before, I will just express gratitude for the time and space I have to reflect on this journey, for I am truly blessed, and truly grateful.