I just got back from a 4-day vacation in New York City. It was amazing, but it was an intense 4-days of over 10-miles walking/running each day, seeing the sights, being around the people, eating the food. It was also emotional: reliving 9-11, thinking about the importance of immigrant contributions to this country, remembering my love for city life (and how different it is from my current suburban life). It was a trip full of life, but it was a lot to live.
My son at baking camp
Today, my first full day home, and spent over 4 hours driving, spent 2-hours meeting with a care team for my aunt (and visiting with her as she recovers), had a 15-minute lunch (at 2pm), went to the last hour of my son’s baking camp and then took my daughter to pediatric urgent care.
My daughter and her swollen eyelid
All of this meant that I had approximately 1 hour of work time which I needed to catch up on e-mails that I had missed while I was gone.
And now, the freaking e-mail server just went down and I may have just locked myself out of my e-mail account for the 3rd time in 2 weeks. I definitely just deleted all of my e-mails from my computer.
I have never been so behind with 17 days until the start of the school year.
I am exhausted and living with the full depth of my humanity.
It sucks so much, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sob. There is only so much humanity that I can be with. I know I have been in worse places, personally and with familial stuff, but I have never let my work suffer. It has been the one marker of consistency in my entire life. But, I just can’t push through right now.
I’m writing this for myself on the other side, and because truth is messy, and because sometimes even though you’re great at life, you suck at life too. I have faith and community that I know will help me through this. I have inner strength and coping strategies. I am really good at designing curriculum and syllabi. My daughter has antibiotics and my aunt has a caretaker and a family behind her.
But right now is hard and there’s just no way around that. The only way is through it. I’ll see you all on the other side.
Hi kiddo! We all have WTF moments and I believe everyone is having them right now. You have many treasures in your life but it’s that big lump of coal that’s sticking out that’s caught your eye. I won’t bore you with platitudes. You know what to do and will do it well.
Sending a 🤗.
I can totally relate, with teaching, four kids, and a chronically ill mom living two hours away. One day at a time + trusting God = how to get through! I try to remember that Jesus encouraged us to worry not for tomorrow (it has enough worries if it’s own), and Paul encouraged us to ask God for wisdom and He will give it liberally. Those words have proven true time and time again. So enjoy today! And trust God for tomorrow; He will give you wisdom about where to focus and what to finish every day. Life’s a marathon, not a sprint! Hang in there!
Breathe deeply. Few people push themselves as much as you do, Bettina. Perfection is an elusive goal. Be kind to yourself.
Thanks all, I’m doing better. On the other side of this, with classes launched and my aunt discharging from the skilled nursing facility soon. It’s all ebb and flow. I appreciate your support <3