The preservice teacher candidates in my literacy courses are required to write a final reflection at the end of the semester talking about how they’ve changed or stayed the same in a variety of areas over the semester.  I also try to do a final reflection each semester, a reflection on what I’ve learned from my students and myself and where I am as I head into a period of rest.

This semester was hard, for many reasons.

As a naturally empathetic person, it was challenging because so many of my students suffered deep personal losses.  In each of my 3 classes, at least one student lost a close family member, either suddenly or after a lingering illness.

It was also challenging because my students, like me, but perhaps for different reasons (or similar reasons), were doing a lot: taking many classes, working multiple jobs, supporting or caring for family members, all while negotiating transitioning professional identities–either transitioning from one professional role to another, or into their first professional career as teachers.

Honestly (and this is going to sound whiny because I actually should have a full teaching load of 4 courses), it was also challenging because I was teaching 3 classes (70 students) with 3 different preps (although 2 courses had some overlap) and making course revisions to all of the classes to meet the needs of my students.  In other words, good teaching is just hard when done at a large scale.  For each of the 8 course assignments, I gave to my preservice students, I spent 10-20 minutes (minimum) per student, not only reading and assessing, but giving extensive, personalized feedback to each student. If we average that to 15 minutes per student x 53 credential candidates x 8 assignments, that’s approximately 106 hours of just grading, and that’s a conservative estimate which doesn’t include initial feedback provided with an opportunity to revise.

Finally, it was hard because I traveled and served a lot.  I went to 3 conferences in the Fall and made a family trip over the Thanksgiving week holiday.  Conference travel (even local travel) is exhausting and keeps me away from my family.  I still have to make sure my classes get the material when I’m gone and often I’m using that time to grade so I can conserve some time with family.  I also was elected chair of faculty council, am serving on 2 search committees, am chairing a national organization awards committee, am helping to co-facilitate a faculty inquiry group, and am helping to develop curriculum for a local after school program. Oh, and also trying to bring a greater acknowledgment of Asian American voices to two national literacy education spaces. None of this left me a lot of time to write (for work or personally), reflect, and spend time with people outside of my family.  And that was hard, because those things I didn’t have a lot of time for are also the things that give me a lot of life. So, in that way, I’m going to work on doing better.

But, this semester was also incredibly beautiful in so many ways.  It was exciting and hopeful, with moments of joy and insight.

• I got to celebrate my 40th birthday with friends that are so incredibly dear to me, some of my very favorite people in the world
• My son is hanging in there through an initially rough transition to middle school, and earned his first degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do.  He’s got friends; he doesn’t complain about school every day; he’s doing well in both American and Chinese school.  He still hangs out with his mom and talks about video games and youtube videos.  We’re doing okay.
• My daughter moved up 6 months early to the 4-year old class, didn’t stand with her hand in her mouth during the entire preschool Christmas performance (like last year), and in fact, was in every single part of the performance, from the handbells, to the singing, to the dance piece, with a cameo in the nativity story.
• I got to reconnect with so many friends and meet new people at the conferences I attended.  It’s sometimes great to get out of one’s own space.
• My Transformative Teacher Education Fellowship small group, awesome teacher educators doing amazing things in diverse places with different groups of students — getting to talk with them regularly constantly inspires me.
• The Caminos Faculty Inquiry Group that I’m part of and help to facilitate.  AMAZING teacher education faculty from across the university working on integrating more culturally responsive practices into their courses, curriculum and instruction.  Inspiring.
• I have a book contract with a small publishing company. (Now I just need to write the book)
• I’m on the AERA program 3 times to present research, each time with colleagues that I absolutely love, and once as discussant for other amazing colleagues
• I ran a half marathon under 2 hours, a huge benchmark & goal for me.
• I got to hang out with my cousins (and their kids), see my brother, and meet my new baby niece.
• I get to sing every week with my church gospel choir and rehearse every Monday. Seriously, this is such a blessing.
• We get to hire a new colleague! It’s been 3 years since our last tenure track search in my department and it was 3 years before that when I was hired, so the possibility of a new assistant professor in secondary education with an emphasis in literacies is super, super exciting.
• My entire EDCI 530 class, which I basically completely redid this semester, was just inspiring. Working with local educators (our Masters students) committed to making a difference, using 21st century frameworks & culturally responsive & sustaining pedagogies; unpacking problematic discourses that plague our society and hamper educational progress and rewriting them to envision what education can be. This classroom community was magic.
• I made a difference with my students. Last night, in a sharing circle at the end of one of my preservice classes, a student said that at many moments during the semester, she wondered why she was even in the credential program, but that when she was in class, she felt like she wanted to be a teacher again.  This young Latina woman, full of promise, from our local community, who is already working as an aide in schools, has so much to contribute.  It hurt my heart to hear her doubts, but it made me feel honored to provide a space where students could remember why they wanted to teach. Her story is not the only one. E-mails, cards, students staying at the end of class to say thank you.  Every word a gift for those hours in front of a screen typing feedback.

It was a rich semester, a powerful one, a long one, but a great one.  I’m so, so grateful to be on this journey and to learn alongside my fellow travelers.  And that’s the best note to end this post on: gratitude.