Grief is so hard.

It comes out of nowhere and seems to be everywhere all at once.

I had a beautiful, wonderful day.

And then, it crept in.

Slowly at first, through inklings of self-doubt.

Then a bit more steadily, like a fog determined to roll in.

And now, it is here.

With me.

Everywhere.

Sitting in my heart as I watch my sweet little girl coloring a rainbow.

Sitting in my throat, a stifled flood.

It’s been so long.

26 years on Wednesday.

But my love is deep.

And my grief is fed by the depth of that love.

It is here.

With me.

Sitting in my heart as I watch my sweet little girl coloring a rainbow.

Sitting in my heart as I watch my husband help my son take apart a pen and put it back together.

I wonder if they can take apart my heart and put it back together as easily.

Sitting in my throat, a stifled flood.

Spilling over, running down my face.

It’s been so long.

My love is deep.

It will sustain me.

But grief is so hard.