Tag Archives: 30-day challenge

Peace in Routine

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A picture from my morning run

Being on vacation is hard for me.

This may not be a surprise to many of you who know me, in real life.

Whether I am physically away from my home or at home, but choosing to actually give myself a break from my academic life to enjoy my family and friends, it’s hard for me to relax (I mean, until I get into hour 4 of a Chopped marathon with my son).  Or maybe, it’s hard for me to relax without feeling like I should be doing something.

This morning, I got up and went for a 3-mile run. I missed my training run yesterday and figured that it would be a good (non-academic) way for me to feel productive even when I’m being present with my family.  (It would also be a nice 30 minutes away from said family who were peacefully tucked into their beds.) I got home, showered and started on this blog post, my other daily commitment (at least for the next 19 days).

As I sat down to write, I realized that this is just enough.  The morning calm, to write a few words and run a few miles, is just enough.  While I am aware that there are more things to write (and read) and more miles to run, I am choosing a break with just enough productivity to soothe my restless type A self.

Reflections on Christmas

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Christmas background decoration image courtesy of Pixabay

Christmas time is here.

I scrolled through my Facebook feed this morning and saw wonderful images of friends and family and their Christmas celebrations. It was lovely.

In years past, these images spur the guilt I have of not having it all together, particularly given the proximity of the winter holidays with the end of the semester.

Of course, for my kids and my family, we exchange gifts and celebrate together, often with conversation and laughter.  Usually, I’ll go to a church candlelight service (as I did this year) and eat delicious food, texting friends and family with holiday greetings.  But, often this is tainted with a sense that I didn’t quite do enough, that I should have more adorable holiday traditions, that I should do or be more.

And in those feelings of inadequacy, I miss being present to the very best people and things in my life.

What I am appreciating most about this season this year is that I didn’t really push myself to get everything done and make it all perfect. My husband picked out gifts for his family (mostly off their Amazon wishlists). I didn’t get my family (of origin) anything (sorry, Family).  I had collected some small gifts for the kids throughout the year, but honestly, didn’t even wrap them. We didn’t host a dinner or attend many holiday parties.

And you know what? That was fine. In fact, it was liberating.

Instead, I spent most of today with my in-laws, my husband, toddler & teenager, and just relaxed. I ate delicious food, spent some time in nature, by the water, slept, and after this blog post, I’ll probably binge on some more junk television.

And that has made all the difference.

O Come All Ye Faithful

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Courtesy of Jill 111 via Pixabay.com

This morning I woke up to the sound of my 3.5 year old calling for her mommy. I walked the few steps from my room to her room, and laid by her toddler bed, in her warm room, in a home we own, in the only home she has ever known, until she drifted back to sleep.

Last night, my husband and I were reflecting, before bed, on where our own parents were when they were the age we are now.  His family had just come from Peru, landing in Miami, when his dad was the age he is now, starting a new life with a 9 year old and a 6 year old (eventually, they would add a little girl to their family in the states).  My mother was caring for her own newborn (me!) when she was my age.  Soon, she would also begin a new chapter of her life, moving across the US from New York to California with a young toddler and an almost teenager, to be with my aunt, uncle and grandmother, during a difficult time of transition as she and my father divorced.

This morning, laying next to my daughter’s bed, I thought about the migrant children who are spending this Christmas Eve separated from their families in Tornillo, Texas.  I thought about the Cambodian-American children across the US separated from parents who were recently deported to Cambodia after years of peacefully living in the US, parents who had lived all of life that they could remember in the United States after resettling here as political refugees.  I thought about military families who are spending this holiday separated from one another as a family member is involved in an overseas engagement.  I thought about families separated from their loved ones by loss, grief, mental illness, toxic relationships, etc.

And then I looked back at my daughter, now joined by my 12 year old son. I thought about the first Christmas and the family at the center of that story, a newborn baby, mother and father, separated from their own community, but joined by a choir of angels, shepherds, wise men, who gathered to bring gifts and community when they might have otherwise felt even more alone and overwhelmed.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, and if you, like me, are fortunate enough to be with family, I hope you’ll be a blessing to others, particularly those that may most need the blessings of community in this season. (And, I hope you’ll work, all year around, to bring families back together and address the conditions that lead to so much suffering in families across the nation and the world.  But, for today, if we could just bless one another, in spite of our differences, that would be a great start.)

Easing into Vacation

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This is how excited I am about finally being on vacation

After waiting for a couple late assignments from students in one of my classes, I finally submitted my fall semester grades for my final class, and promptly took a nap, this morning.

Clearly, I’m on vacation.

Taking on a 30-day writing challenge during vacation is hilariously ironic because I have plenty of writing I should be doing, but my brain is going on “hibernation” mode for the winter, and I feel like what I really need is to write about the joyful mundane, at least for the next week or so while I’m actually on break, partly so I can remember the beauty of it in the insanity of my day-to-day life.

So, this vacation blog will be a mini-journal of my day-to-day, which this morning included getting up ridiculously early with my 3 year old, making a breakfast casserole from hash browns, eggs, breakfast sausage & cheddar, submitting my grades, dog walking with the kids (with them having adorable sidewalk races, which my 12 year old let my 3 year old win), taking a nap, editing Faculty Council meeting minutes, playing charades, watching some Vampirina and now doing this blog with a cup of tea.

We’ll have some family & friend time a little later, or maybe I’ll start my organizing, using my new amazing planner (which was a gift from my brother-in-law & his wife, thanks Jon & Linh), or maybe I’ll binge watch some Food Network show.

But for now, I’m going to do a whole lot of nothing, maybe while listening to some Christmas Carols…

These are a few of my favorite things…

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I love fresh cut flowers, from a florist, prepared with care & artistry

On day 4 of the 30-day writing challenge I’m currently doing with my friends, Wes, Darlene (and now Anna!), Darlene did a post on some of her favorite things, which is a wonderful topic to spark the gratitude that I so deeply feel in my life, so I’m going to list some of my own favorite nouns (people, places, things, and ideas), not necessarily in order:

People (some of these people overlap and I’m putting the people in categories because I don’t want to forget anyone specific):

  1. My family
  2. My friends
  3. Many of my former students
  4. My church family
  5. My academic network & community
  6. My Team World Vision running group

Places:

  1. Home
  2. Hawaii
  3. Delicious fine dining restaurants (especially high quality Asian fusion restaurants)
  4. Bookstores
  5. Tea shops
  6. Somewhere quiet in nature
  7. Fancy hotels

Things:

  1. Car rides
  2. Fresh cut flowers (see above)
  3. A clean and organized room (you would not know this by coming to my house….ever)
  4. Learning
  5. Delicious food, all of the foods
  6. Running, especially in the morning, and to explore new places or when they give me shinies (that I pay for) to finish races
  7. Travel
  8. A perfect cup of jasmine tea
  9. Writing
  10. All things Pusheen & Hello Kitty, and most super adorable cute (kawaii) things
  11. When people actually listen to the words coming out of my mouth instead of what they think I’m saying and then respond appropriately (this is not happening, at this exact moment, in my home, by one of my favorite people)
  12. Singing

Ideas/Feelings:

  1. Faith
  2. Hope
  3. Love
  4. Compassion
  5. Gratitude
  6. Joy
  7. Peace
  8. Respect
  9. Mutual understanding
  10. Identity
  11. Humility
  12. Justice

So, now, if you don’t know me, you probably know me, because this is pretty much me, in a list of favorite things.

Post Semester Slump

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Photo by jurien huggins on Unsplash

That pile under the covers in the picture at the top of this post.  This is not me.

But it could be.

My friend, Wes, wrote this hilarious rhyming poem Facebook note for day 6 of our joint 30-day writing challenge, and I’m over here, like, “Um, I can’t think of a topic easy enough for me, in my post-semester mush state, to write about.”

So, I’m going to write about exactly that: post-semester slump.  That feeling that many students, teachers, and academics get (at least, according to my Facebook & Twitter feeds) where you’re hanging on until the end of the semester, and then you either physically get sick or mentally check out as soon as you’re on break.

I still have numerous things on my to-do list (i.e. my “I’m going to do this once I’m on break because I don’t have time to get to it during the semester” list) to get done, things that both need to get done (some with deadlines, others because I have no other time to do them) and things that I enjoy doing (I mean, as much as one can enjoy things that require focused brain functioning) but I am straight over doing anything but listening to some music with my scented candle next to me, staring at some flowers, and maybe, just maybe, indulging in some binge junk Food Network shows.  I am literally so checked out that I am bitter that I need to heat my oven to warm some Trader Joe’s mini-quiches (why on earth can I not just microwave these quiches like their normal, larger counterparts?!).

Okay, well, rant over, 150 word goal met.  I’ve got to make a choice now, either to get on that to-do list, or open up my TV app and start that senseless television train….

Dr. Hsieh’s Final Reflections Fall 2018

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Some of my Masters students writing affirmations & appreciations for our “We’ve Got Your Back” activity

The preservice teacher candidates in my literacy courses are required to write a final reflection at the end of the semester talking about how they’ve changed or stayed the same in a variety of areas over the semester.  I also try to do a final reflection each semester, a reflection on what I’ve learned from my students and myself and where I am as I head into a period of rest.

This semester was hard, for many reasons.

As a naturally empathetic person, it was challenging because so many of my students suffered deep personal losses.  In each of my 3 classes, at least one student lost a close family member, either suddenly or after a lingering illness.

It was also challenging because my students, like me, but perhaps for different reasons (or similar reasons), were doing a lot: taking many classes, working multiple jobs, supporting or caring for family members, all while negotiating transitioning professional identities–either transitioning from one professional role to another, or into their first professional career as teachers.

Honestly (and this is going to sound whiny because I actually should have a full teaching load of 4 courses), it was also challenging because I was teaching 3 classes (70 students) with 3 different preps (although 2 courses had some overlap) and making course revisions to all of the classes to meet the needs of my students.  In other words, good teaching is just hard when done at a large scale.  For each of the 8 course assignments, I gave to my preservice students, I spent 10-20 minutes (minimum) per student, not only reading and assessing, but giving extensive, personalized feedback to each student. If we average that to 15 minutes per student x 53 credential candidates x 8 assignments, that’s approximately 106 hours of just grading, and that’s a conservative estimate which doesn’t include initial feedback provided with an opportunity to revise.

Finally, it was hard because I traveled and served a lot.  I went to 3 conferences in the Fall and made a family trip over the Thanksgiving week holiday.  Conference travel (even local travel) is exhausting and keeps me away from my family.  I still have to make sure my classes get the material when I’m gone and often I’m using that time to grade so I can conserve some time with family.  I also was elected chair of faculty council, am serving on 2 search committees, am chairing a national organization awards committee, am helping to co-facilitate a faculty inquiry group, and am helping to develop curriculum for a local after school program. Oh, and also trying to bring a greater acknowledgment of Asian American voices to two national literacy education spaces. None of this left me a lot of time to write (for work or personally), reflect, and spend time with people outside of my family.  And that was hard, because those things I didn’t have a lot of time for are also the things that give me a lot of life. So, in that way, I’m going to work on doing better.

But, this semester was also incredibly beautiful in so many ways.  It was exciting and hopeful, with moments of joy and insight.

  • I got to celebrate my 40th birthday with friends that are so incredibly dear to me, some of my very favorite people in the world
  • My son is hanging in there through an initially rough transition to middle school, and earned his first degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do.  He’s got friends; he doesn’t complain about school every day; he’s doing well in both American and Chinese school.  He still hangs out with his mom and talks about video games and youtube videos.  We’re doing okay.
  • My daughter moved up 6 months early to the 4-year old class, didn’t stand with her hand in her mouth during the entire preschool Christmas performance (like last year), and in fact, was in every single part of the performance, from the handbells, to the singing, to the dance piece, with a cameo in the nativity story.
  • I got to reconnect with so many friends and meet new people at the conferences I attended.  It’s sometimes great to get out of one’s own space.
  • My Transformative Teacher Education Fellowship small group, awesome teacher educators doing amazing things in diverse places with different groups of students — getting to talk with them regularly constantly inspires me.
  • The Caminos Faculty Inquiry Group that I’m part of and help to facilitate.  AMAZING teacher education faculty from across the university working on integrating more culturally responsive practices into their courses, curriculum and instruction.  Inspiring.
  • I have a book contract with a small publishing company. (Now I just need to write the book)
  • I’m on the AERA program 3 times to present research, each time with colleagues that I absolutely love, and once as discussant for other amazing colleagues
  • I ran a half marathon under 2 hours, a huge benchmark & goal for me.
  • I got to hang out with my cousins (and their kids), see my brother, and meet my new baby niece.
  • I get to sing every week with my church gospel choir and rehearse every Monday. Seriously, this is such a blessing.
  • We get to hire a new colleague! It’s been 3 years since our last tenure track search in my department and it was 3 years before that when I was hired, so the possibility of a new assistant professor in secondary education with an emphasis in literacies is super, super exciting.
  • My entire EDCI 530 class, which I basically completely redid this semester, was just inspiring. Working with local educators (our Masters students) committed to making a difference, using 21st century frameworks & culturally responsive & sustaining pedagogies; unpacking problematic discourses that plague our society and hamper educational progress and rewriting them to envision what education can be. This classroom community was magic.
  • I made a difference with my students. Last night, in a sharing circle at the end of one of my preservice classes, a student said that at many moments during the semester, she wondered why she was even in the credential program, but that when she was in class, she felt like she wanted to be a teacher again.  This young Latina woman, full of promise, from our local community, who is already working as an aide in schools, has so much to contribute.  It hurt my heart to hear her doubts, but it made me feel honored to provide a space where students could remember why they wanted to teach. Her story is not the only one. E-mails, cards, students staying at the end of class to say thank you.  Every word a gift for those hours in front of a screen typing feedback.

It was a rich semester, a powerful one, a long one, but a great one.  I’m so, so grateful to be on this journey and to learn alongside my fellow travelers.  And that’s the best note to end this post on: gratitude.

 

My Boy

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Our temporary “pet”: Sir Ma’am Sparky Swift snacking on an apple slice

Leave it to my son to recognize gender ambiguity in a snail (collected from our neighborhood during a dog walk to bring to school for “snail races” in science) and acknowledge it, along with ideas from his mother and father, in a 4-part name: “Sir Ma’am Sparky Swift.”

This encapsulates the charm of my boy.

12 years of an old soul in a young person, awkward and quirky, funny, mature, with selective hearing but ever-present love.

It’s such an honor to be my son’s mother.

He is the best of both his parents: loyal and loving, brilliant, responsible, creative, driven and fun.

But, he is also all of our insecurities and some of our faults, which somehow seemed to miss his sister: unsure of his place in the boy world of adolescence & middle school, worried about his present and future (except when he’s not), driven by the fear of disappointing those he loves, forgetful whenever things aren’t according to routine (ahem, forgetting to turn in fundraiser money, forgetting binder on bus, forgetting his trombone at school over Thanksgiving break).

As I watch him transition from child to teenager, and see the glimpses of the adult he’ll be, I tear up at the thought.

How did my little newborn become almost as tall as I am in the blink of an eye?  When I blink again, will it be to blink away tears at his high graduation? At his wedding? When he is holding his own newborn?

I don’t know the future, but I am glad for this present, to hang out with my son and talk about our favorite Food Network shows, drink milk tea with boba, eat lots of great food (and instagram it), and go to musicals.  While I probably will never quite be able to share in bonding over video games in the same way as he can with his dad, I am grateful for Nate’s appreciation of who each one of us in the family is, and I am grateful for who he is.

He is extraordinary. He’s a keeper.

(Unlike Sir Ma’am Sparky Swift, who will be returned to a non-plastic, natural habitat soon…)

Choosing Wisely

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Photo by Qimono courtesy of Pixabay

Now that I’m on day 3 of the 30-day writing/ blogging challenge that I’m doing with my friends Wes & Darlene, the ideas for blog posts have started rolling.  Today, I thought about writing a post on the idea of beloved community or a companion piece to yesterday’s piece on my daughter about my son.  Those posts will be forthcoming and I’m excited to write them.

But honestly, today, I just don’t have the time.

Last night, over late night happy hour pumpkin cheesecake, my friend Patty and I were having a conversation on ROI (return on investment).  She is on my “life advisory board” (alongside my husband and some trusted friends–Yafa, you’re on it too, it just never actually meets…I consult you all individually)–the people who give me valued advice about not taking on things that aren’t worth my time, who know my values and commitments (and my tendency to do too much), and who tell me when they think I should probably let something go.  I’m more likely to listen to them than others, but I still (CLEARLY) don’t listen enough of the time.

So, today, with a million different commitments and 41 assignments to grade, I’m just going to write this blog post on choosing wisely, which sometimes means choosing the easiest thing that will help you honor your 150 word daily commitment. I’m working on letting go of this standard of profundity all the time, and being willing to be just good enough more often in these 30 days (and hopefully in life outside of this blog).  I suppose my desire to always do my best holds me back from sometimes from doing things I want to do, knowing that I could do them better, if….  But, as my current best self says, this was the best choice I could have made today; this is the best I can do in the moment, and that’s alright.  It’s just a blog post.

Choosing wisely doesn’t always mean choosing the hardest, most reflective or best idea.

Sometimes we need to choose that which allows us to survive. Wisdom shifts.  I can shift too.

Just leaving this here to remind myself.

My Girl

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Artist: Johana P (with aid from her father)

“Mommy, I made you a rainbow, all in my favorite color (orange) and then I put a heart because I love you, Mommy.  And then, see, Papa helped me write, ‘I love you, Mommy!” I made it for you”

“Sweetheart, it’s beautiful! Thank you so much. Mommy is going to hang it in her office.”

“Mommy, that’s a good idea.  That way, when you miss me, you can look at my painting and remember that I love you.”

My girl is 3 and a half.

She sometimes throws inexplicable tantrums, tells me, “I don’t like that plan,” and refuses every meal option we give her at dinner time.  She is disappointed when she has to go to school, and excited for home days. She is sad when I have to leave for a work trip or a choir practice. She tells me that I pick the best presents and clothes for her.  She loves arts and crafts, reading on the couch, and children’s programming (at the moment, her favorites are Nature Cat, Phil the Cat, Daniel Tiger, and a few Puppy Dog Pals and Doc McStuffins episodes for good measure). She sings and runs and tumbles and talks.

She is frustrated then she is happy. She is terribly upset then made better with a hug.

She is my mini-me. She is my heart. She is my inspiration.

I love you, Jojo. I’m so grateful to be your mommy.