Monthly Archives: January 2019

Blogging on a Mobile Device

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This morning, after a long drive up I-5, through the afternoon and evening, I am blogging, on a mobile device from a hotel room in the Bay Area, a few hours away from my nephew’s Bar Mitzvah and a long reverse trip home.

This trip is a bit of a breakthrough for me, as I left my laptop at home for the 30 hours or so that  we’ll be away. I thought about this blog post and figured that I would either do it at home (after a Bar Mitzvah and a 7-hour drive) or do it on my phone, which is what I’m actually doing.

I am impressed with my friends, Wes and Darlene, who have done previous blogs on mobile devices. I find it odd to type with my thumbs. I find it interesting to navigate through a slightly different lay out. I find it challenging to adjust to the small differences in settings (physical, mobile, internet) that require me to think faster before I need to move something that’s in someone’s way (in a closer, new shared space), before my screen puts itself to sleep or before I lose in-room connectivity.

Ah, for the breaks in routine that throw us off. Travel blogging on a mobile device; last minute Target runs for the gift, card and dress socks you meant to bring; forgetting a pencil in the car when you need to do Chinese homework; needing a portable charger for car entertainment. They are a part of the journey, actual and metaphorical. They are a part of this crazy life.

What Does Self-Care Really Mean?

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We’re moving towards the end of the 30-day writing/blogging challenge I’m doing with my friends, Wes, Darlene & Anna, and it’s been a powerful month of self-reflection.  I’m definitely ready to engage (and I have been engaging already) in other types of writing, but developing a habit or discipline of public blogging each day has been important.  It forces me to stop, sit and think about what I want to say to the world, and what’s on my mind on any given day.

Today, what’s on my mind is how to really care for myself.  I wrote a list of my favorite things early in the challenge and as I was reviewing it this morning, I could see that being with those people, in those places, with those things, focused on those ideas, definitely is engaging in self-care.

But, while some of the people, places, things and ideas are easily integrated or clearly a part of my everyday life, I don’t always feel like I’m caring for myself, even when I’m engaged with my favorite things. In fact, self-care has even more to do with who and how I’m being towards myself than who or what is around me.  I mean it is called “self” care.

Example: I could be comfortably sitting in my home (one of my favorite places) with my family (some of my favorite people) with fresh cut flowers sitting on the table and a cup of tea next to me (some of my favorite things).  Surrounded by joy and love (two of my favorite ideas),  I could still be incredibly stressed, not present and silently beating up on myself.

Why am I beating myself up?

I am focused on what is left to do, what hasn’t been done, what I should have said no to, what should have gone differently.  I am mean to myself, lacking self-compassion, and, often, I am exhausted.

I could be doing all the things right, in terms of engaging in actions of self-care, but if I don’t have self-love and self-compassion, if I’m not present, it not only feels empty, but it is incredibly frustrating.  I mean, here I am, surrounding myself with all the things that should make me feel relaxed and happy, and I’m just exhausted and angry (at myself).

Many times, I am my own worst enemy on this front.

So what have I learned?

  1. Self-care isn’t always my favorite thing(s).  Sometimes, it is the discipline of drinking enough water, eating the foods that make me feel good, moving (even on days I’m not running) and getting enough sleep.
  2. I have, for 24 years, since the day my mother died, over scheduled myself and taken on too much as ways to not only feel like I’m productive and worthy, but also to avoid thinking about things that make me sad or frustrated.  This doesn’t work.  And, it’s detrimental to my well-being because I can’t be present to moments of joy.  I’m not beating myself up about this.  It was, for many, many years, the way that I survived, and I’m grateful for my survival.  But, surviving and thriving are not the same goal.  And self-care is an integral part of thriving.  So, I need to continue working on saying no, committing less, and taking things off of my plate. If I disappoint some people, as inevitably will happen, it will be okay.  I will, at least, work on not being disappointed in myself for my humanity.
  3. It’s going to take time.  Self-care and self-compassion can be commitments, but it’s not like I can undo 40-years of mental self-flagellation in 30 days of writing (or even 40).  I also just can’t see myself going to some other extreme where I eschew all responsibilities and become flaky.  That would just lack integrity.  So, I’m going to have to experiment and work on it, noting what works and what doesn’t and moving towards the goal, slowly but surely.

All of that, I’m coming to be okay with.  I am taking a deep breath, rereading this post, and acknowledging that I’m moving in the right direction.  And that has made all the difference.

Invisaligning My Life

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My 12-year old, Nate, got Invisalign just before the new year.  In case you have perfect teeth or got your orthodontia prior to the existence of Invisalign, it’s akin to braces, but uses transparent trays to more gently move your teeth, week by week, towards their proper positioning.  The process is less painful than traditional braces and more discreet, but the goal is the same, to align your teeth.

We’re in the 10th day of a new year, one in which I outlined several goals to help me align my life to my values.  I’m actually doing pretty well on them, in general, but the change is a lot like Invisalign.  It’s not super noticeable to the outside world, although those closest to me can see the trays, but the change is beginning.

It’s also a multi-step process.

When my son and I went to the orthodontist, they called his teeth a “complicated” case (which meant multiple issues that would require multi-step orthodontia, brackets, retainers, Invisalign on top & bottom, maybe a tooth extraction).  I am a complicated case as well.  There are parts of my list of goals that I have been able to address right away, causing immediate change to my normal habits and slight discomfort. There are others that will take more time, and will likely be more painful.

What I’m doing better with:

  • Greater intentionality with my time and energy
  • Being more self-compassionate and taking better care of myself (more deliberately)
  • Reading, writing, reflecting and thinking more
  • Cooking more, eating more delicious food, exploring new places (and to some degree, helping my student experience new things)
  • Being open to change

What I’m still working on:

  • Praying more
  • Setting better boundaries and sticking to them (this one is going to be really, really hard for me)
  • Self-compassion –it’s on both lists because sometimes I’ve been better at it, but sometimes, I slip back into my old habits.

What I’m realizing is that it’s hard, but it’s also all good in this process.  I am growing. I am aligning. I am changing.  And that is uncomfortable.  If it was easy, everyone would do it.  It took me a long time to get to the degree of workaholism that I currently am at.  It’s going to take me awhile to get out of it too.

But, one family dinner at a time, one blog post at a time, one “no” at a time, I am taking steps towards change.

Hopefully at the end of the process, I’ll have the fuller life I’m looking for, and some straight teeth….oh wait, that’s actual Invisalign. Well, at least my kid will have straighter teeth after all is said and done. 🙂

Mothering, Mom Guilt & Mom Shaming

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Three of my four kids 🙂

“Mom, I miss Aisha. Where is she now?” Nate, my 12-year old asked me casually over breakfast this morning.

Pause.

“Well, son, I actually don’t really know,” I replied

“Why not?” Nate asked.

“Well, Aisha hasn’t really been in contact with us for a little while,” explained my husband.

Pause.

“Is she in touch with Asha?” Nate asked.

“No, she isn’t really in touch with anyone in the family,” I replied, then adding for whatever explanation I could, “Sometimes, we have to make choices that are the best choices for us, even when it’s really hard.  Aisha is an adult and even though we all love her, her choice right now is not to be in touch with us. She has my number, and I don’t have a way to contact her, so I know that if and when she’s ready, she will reach out.  It makes me really sad, but I just have to trust that she knows what’s best for her right now.”

Pause.  Nate doesn’t really say anything, or maybe he says a, “hmmmm.” The morning goes on. Jojo, oblivious to it all, tells me that she’s finished her whole breakfast, and waits for my congratulations and offer of a clementine to take in the car on the way to preschool. They leave for school as usual. I go on a run. I come back, and, in cleaning my office, I find a large manila envelope I’ve started called “Letters to Aisha.” I can’t read them today, but maybe I’ll add to the envelope later.

It’s a conversation that I’ve known was going to happen eventually — “Where is Aisha? Why don’t we see her anymore?” In the 16 months since we last heard from the older of my twin daughters, and the 3 years since we last saw her, it’s been a conversation that I’ve been bracing for. It went as well as could be expected.  Perhaps, Nate will follow up later after he’s had time to think. And then we’ll have another conversation. I feel more assured that it will go okay because there’s nothing to say but the truth.

My son is close to his older sisters and loves them.  We love them too. But our family story is complicated and has been difficult, as it is for many families, adoptive, biological, mixed.  And, not wanting to tell my adult children’s stories for them, I don’t really talk about it much.  But, today, the conversation happened, and I answered as honestly as I could without assuming more than is fair. It is what I believe, but it is not easy for me.

Being a mother is a challenge.  Over the weekend, I was talking with my friend Yafa and we were talking about the insult that could hurt us the most.  Mine was, “You’re a bad mother.” Objectively, I am aware that I am not a bad mother.  I have done my best to care for all 4 of my children. I have loved them, sometimes beyond what was healthy for me, in the best ways I’ve known how, and provided them with everything I can to help support and sustain them.  I have listened to them, and tried to understand their perspectives when we don’t agree.  I have created safety through boundaries.  I show up to places and events that are important to them as much as I can.  I model the type of human being I’d like for them to be.

However, mothering, like many things in our society seems tied to how successful our children are or seem to be.  Whenever something isn’t right for any of my children, I ask myself whether it was because of something I did or didn’t do.  Even now, as my older daughters are adults, I wonder if there was something that I could have done while we were all together to have changed some of the outcomes in their lives and our family.  For my younger children, when work keeps me away from a performance or when my daughter tells me on FaceTime that she really misses Mommy or when my son tells me (2 years after the fact) about how much of an emotional struggle 4th grade was for him, I wonder.  I realize that my children are agents in their own lives; they all make choices and I have some say in the situations that my younger children face, but much less as they get older. I also know that they all have parts of their lives that I can’t and don’t see. I get this, but it is hard. It is hard because I love them to the core of my soul.

And because I love them so much, sometimes, when I feel like I’m failing them, the mom shame and guilt are real.

I don’t talk about this shame and guilt a lot because: 1) I never want to share my older daughters’ business.  They are adults and had much of their privacy stripped away at different periods of their lives. Because I am protective of that privacy, I don’t want to talk about what’s going on with me in relation to their lives; 2) I’m not necessarily looking for reassurance. I mean, I know I’m doing the best I can. I know I’m not a bad mother.  I get it.  But sometimes, like with everything, I have to name it to let it go; and 3) Well, I like to avoid looking imperfect.

But that’s life.  It is messy and complicated. For mothers. For working mothers. For academic mothers. For me.

And today, for this moment, I have the courage to be honest about what it’s like for me.

The Challenge of Intentional E-mail

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If you’ve been reading my posts as part of the 30-day blogging challenge that I’m currently in with my friends, Wes & Darlene Kriesel and Anna Smith, you’ve seen that several posts have been about establishing more intentional practices related to technology, with a couple of these posts focused the exercises in David M. Levy’s Mindful Tech book.

For the last 5 days, I’ve been working on the 2nd exercise in Levy’s book called “Focused E-mail.” Unlike Levy’s first exercise which is observational, this exercise is prescriptive and revolves around exclusive and intentional focus on a particular technological platform/ application/ activity.  I started with e-mail and have continued with that, trying to incorporate both the principles I set up for myself during the first exercise and Levy’s exercise of just doing e-mail, in 15-20 minute (minimum) spurts, not deviating for real life or virtual distractions.

The first day when I started this exercise, I had to laugh at myself.  As soon as I opened my work e-mail application, I got a text message notification from a friend (or family member–I can’t even remember who send the text) and I quit the e-mail application so that I could answer the text and still technically do the challenge.  I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to just turn off the message notifications on my computer, but if I were to do that, I’d still have to take off my Apple Watch, close down all my other applications, notify my family that I’m just doing e-mail (which means this cannot be done at any time when my 3-year old is home because she does not care that I’m trying to focus on e-mail) and make sure my phone was on silent.  And, even if all of that had been done (which it wasn’t, in truth), I would still have been foiled this day by the doorbell. I am just not set up to give my full attention to any one task.

Sigh.

Focused e-mail is super hard.  Although I’m doing Levy’s adapted version where other applications can be open in order to “take care” of the tasks related to e-mail (e.g. opening my calendar to note dates articulated in an e-mail or downloading documents from the e-mail), it’s still a real challenge not to get distracted by other dates on the calendar, by other documents on my desktop, by my sudden overwhelming urge for a cup of tea, and by the fact that somewhere someone likely needs my attention. This is part of the purpose of the exercise, but it was also fascinating to see the degree to which this type of mindfulness is difficult for me.

But, it’s also been a good exercise in many ways.  I would estimate that I typically spent between 90 minutes – 2 hours answering e-mails/ workday previously.  I haven’t spent more than an hour on e-mail since I’ve been doing this exercise. (I’m sure part of this is due to being on break between semesters, but even before engaging in the exercise during break, I was spending a lot more time on e-mail.) Fires sometimes just put themselves out without me, and sometimes, because I’m not rapid-fire responding to e-mails, I realize that many messages don’t need a response at all. I find myself able to focus more on the work that I am doing when I don’t have to leave and come back to it to answer an e-mail that seems more pressing than the work I’m doing.  I’m also much more aware of those distractions that do draw me away from tasks: text notifications, calendar notification, dropbox change notifications.

I think I really just need to turn off notifications. They seem to notify me that I should be stressed.

I appreciated this exercise and think I’ll adopt it, to some degree, as a more regular practice.  I do like setting aside time for e-mail and not having e-mail notifications pushed at me constantly, but focusing to the exclusion of everything else is really, super hard.  It’s probably something I need to work on in all of my life, but for now, I think that I’ll be content to move onto the next exercise in the book which is “observing multitasking.”

Stay tuned…

Reconciliation

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This morning, I return home to my family after a wonderful weekend visiting my friend Yafa, outside of Seattle.  I really love the Seattle area. But, it’s been 8 years since I’ve been here. The last time I was here was during one of the hardest periods of my life, and there was a lot of pain and trauma associated with that visit and that time period.

And so, today, I am grateful for reconciliation.

The situation that I was responding to 8 years ago is deeply personal and hasn’t really gotten better.  In many ways, it’s gotten worse, although in others, through time and distance, I’ve healed from the direct impact of that time in many ways.  This trip was a good indicator of how far I’ve come in terms of being present and letting the past be the past.

I am grateful for reconciliation.

This trip was full of peace and joy. It was free and easy. It was beautiful and loving. It was simple with abundant friendship, healthy and delicious food, time for reflection and stillness.

I am grateful for reconciliation.

What I’ve realized in writing this refrain is that sometimes reconciliation doesn’t come in resolution of complicated and heart-breaking situations.  Sometimes reconciliation must be a deeply personal journey in which we move forward, accepting what was and what is, and finding the joy in people and places that are present with us now, that help us live in the moment we are in, that help us visit old places with new eyes.

I am grateful for reconciliation.

As I head home today, I know I’ll return again to Seattle before another 8 years goes by.  I will do so with the fullness of all my experiences in the area — the hard moments and the joyous moments; the darkness (especially in the winter!) and the light, the pain and the joy. Seattle is, perhaps, just a city, but it is also a symbol, of the inner reconciliation that I have been experiencing in multiple parts of my life — choosing what to let go so that I can take in new experiences, breathing deeply to honor what has past and what will come, being calmer and clearer, in the face of an unknown future and a challenging past.

Being here.

I am grateful for reconciliation.

What “Counts” (as Writing)?

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We’re in the last 10 days of the 30 day writing challenge I’ve been in with my friends, Wes, Darlene & Anna, and it’s been a great 3 weeks of blogging.  I was coming off of a very full semester during which I didn’t get the chance to do a lot of writing or reflection so this challenge seemed to be the perfect way to kickstart my writing practice.

That’s actually been a theme in our small writing challenge community, using this challenge as a way to kickstart thinking/ reflective/ writing practices that are important to each of us but for which we haven’t been finding (or making) the time.

The last few days, I’ve realized how particularly important the public aspect of this 30 day challenge has been for me, and the importance of blogging as public thinking has been.  I’ve been really encouraged by members of my online communities, through responses directly to the blog or on Facebook, and it’s made me realize that blogging is a way for me to engage in intentional dialogue.

This has come up for me in the last couple of days because I’ve been doing other writing (conference proposals, revisions of academic writing, reviews) and wondering if that “counts” for the writing challenge — the thought of what counts is hilarious because, I mean, we made up the rules, and as I’ve told Anna, it’s a low-stress, low-stakes challenge.  But, what that question has helped me to do is think about “what counts” in my own life (writing and otherwise).

For the sake of this writing challenge, I decided to continue blogging each day, and publicly share at least 150 words, even if I am engaging in writing for other purposes.  For me, the greatest power of this challenge has been establishing greater community and I want to honor that spirit through my posts.

But, in the rest of my life, I’ve realized that “what counts” for me is moving towards greater integrity.  This morning, I went for a 9-mile workout.  When I got back to my friend Yafa’s apartment, I was at 8.97 miles.  Did that 0.03 miles matter? Not really.  But, did it matter to me? It did. And I walked in the hallways until I hit 9.00.

This post is not to say anything about what might or should count for others. Rather, it is to declare these realizations as gifts. A gift of this challenge, of this stage of my life more generally, has been the freedom to define and honor what matters to me, separate from what fulfills the rules/ obligations/ expectations that I feel pushing down upon me. And that certainly counts.

Thanks for being with me on this journey.

Seattle Adventures

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Sign at the Soul Food Coffee House, Redmond, WA

I’ve spent an incredible last 16 hours in the Seattle, Washington area.  I came here to visit my dear friend, Yafa, and adventure with her, so today’s post is a bit about the adventure so far.

When I arrived late last night, Yafa came to pick me up at the very crowded airport.  We agreed to meet at the airport parking lot, but she couldn’t find me right away and pulled over so I could find her.

And that’s when the adventure began.

She pulled over on a raised curb and her car got stuck on the front axle:

Here’s the car, stuck on the curb

We couldn’t move the car.  She called AAA who said that they’d send someone out by 1:30am.

Hmmmmm.

Fortunately, with the help of Andre, a heroic SEA-TAC parking security officer, some analysis of the car angle & a little prayer, we were eventually able to drive the car gently off the curb.  We called AAA, canceled the tow and headed back to her place, arriving just after 12:30.

After a delicious gluten-free peanut butter chocolate chip cookie and decompressing from our first adventure, I got some sleep and woke up early to do a 3-mile walk with my dear friend, Anne (with whom I forgot to get a picture–sad me!).  We got to see beautiful views of Seattle:

View of Seattle from our walk (you can see the space needle on the right)

And, we even met a troll:

He was very friendly, in fact

After finishing our walk, Yafa and I grabbed some lunch and went out to spend some time in nature.  We stopped by Snoqualmie Falls Park:

And Lake Sammamish: 

This time, I remembered to get a selfie:

And now, after a little toy shopping, we’re planted in a warm coffee shop, and I am getting caught up on some blogging and e-mail.  It’s lovely work-life balance. Working with love and joy.  Living with adventure.

Stick to the Schedule?

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I’d like to be a more laid back, “go with the flow” kind of person, someone who is flexible and relaxed, accommodating with time, and free spirited.

I’d like that, but it’s just not who I am (at least not at this point in my life).

In an effort to both be more mindful and more reflective, I noticed, beginning yesterday and continuing until…well, right about now, how uptight I am about time, scheduling, and routine.

I was raised in a household where you take care of obligations first, and then you can play (or have fun).  I would always come home from school and immediately do my homework before watching television or doing some other leisure activity.

As an adult, I have internalized this idea, and made it part of my routine.  On days when I am supposed to run, I run first thing in the morning.  Given my commitment to this writing challenge, I blog first thing in the morning. (I am also freshest in the morning and I know that if things are going to get done, they are most likely to get done well before I begin responding to the many fires that will undoubtedly erupt during the day.) I also try to plan things with enough time and forethought that I have space to get to my next scheduled obligation with plenty of time to spare.

Today, it did not really work this way, and it was so interesting to see my internal stress at it all.

I’m going on a trip this weekend to see a lifelong friend. It’s a trip that is for me (and her too) and should be a ton of fun.  Cue guilt.  Because I’ll be meeting another friend to walk in the morning, I won’t be running 9-miles.  So, I had planned to do my long run this morning, but I had to reschedule a dentist appointment (at the last minute) which meant no time to run. The dentist appointment was right after my husband’s so I decided to carpool with him then drop him off at work, not accounting for the extra time that my filling would take. Sigh. After dropping him off, I headed (in the opposite direction) to my next meeting (which was great), but didn’t have time to stop home to check on my son.  Another change in plans. And, because I’m taking on the second exercise in Levy’s Mindful Tech book (Intentional e-mail), I knew I’d have to take 15-30 minutes of uninterrupted time to address the e-mails I needed to before I could blog and finish packing then go to pick up my husband so he could drop me off at the airport.

Whew!

Miraculously (or at least to me, it seems miraculous), everything got done (or is getting done — I still need to wrap this up and pack my books for my trip. and I’ll have to do my 9-miler this weekend) and actually, it’s fine.  This blog post is what it is. The mileage will get done. I’m going to make it to the airport at the time I wanted to.  It all got done.

Today, I got the insight that, in my every day, academic life that is not “vacation” based, I am clearly doing too much that leaves me stressed when any small thing doesn’t go according to plan.  But, I also got the insight that it’s possible to bring your awareness to the present moment and be intentional even if things are out of your routine.  I was able to be present.  I was able to be flexible. And, it’s all going to be fine.

Hmmmm.

So, maybe I’m not as laid back, or “go with the flow” as I’d like to be, but maybe I’m becoming more of who I need to be, and some of that includes building in more flexibility.  Maybe, being mindful is allowing me to choose more intentionally and to recognize that balance can only be achieved if I let go of some things and try to develop new habits.  Maybe.

Why Am I Doing This? Pushing Pause Instead of Pushing E-mail

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A week ago, I began the first exercise from David M. Levy’s Mindful Tech book, and started observing my e-mail use.  Levy encourages his readers to share both their observations and personal guidelines they’ve established after completing the exercise, and, well, I need to write a blog post today anyways, so here goes 🙂

Observations

It didn’t take long for me to notice several patterns with my e-mail use:

  1. I check e-mail automatically, as a routine when I’m bored or when I don’t have anything immediately to do in the moment.  Over the last week, I noticed that I’ll instinctually reach for my phone to check e-mail (and social media notifications) first thing in the morning, but also, when I’m the passenger in a car (even when someone I love is talking to me!), when I’m walking on the street, waiting for a light to change, when I don’t feel like doing something that I should be doing. I do this with social media too, but I start with e-mail, which I feel more justified doing as it’s ostensibly “productive.”
  2. E-mail is generally very stressful for me, but much more so when I’m on my mobile device.  My phone is great for many things, but it is not ideal for e-mail.  Over this last week, I felt my anxiety rise when my e-mail was loading slowly (or not loading at all), and when I saw an e-mail come in on my mobile device that I couldn’t respond to right away (or that it would be extremely inefficient for me to respond to using the device itself). When these things happen, I get SUPER anxious, which translates into tense shoulders and short breaths. I’ll either keep checking/ refreshing until I can get to the e-mail I need or I’ll inefficiently respond so I can feel like it’s off my plate.  If I don’t respond, I am afraid I’ll forget to respond.
  3. I feel obligated to get back to people as soon as I see their messages.  My work e-mail is the most stressful, followed by my gmail, which is stressful because it’s the one I’m most likely to forget to check or respond to, and email gets lost quickly in that account (i.e. I don’t have a good system to track who I need to respond to).  I am actually the best with my personal yahoo e-mail account which is basically my e-mail where all the Groupon, Target, charity, listserv e-mails come.  I feel ZERO stress checking that account, even when there are 57 notifications because if I start to get stressed out, I literally just delete almost every single e-mail and it feels cathartic. In fact, that e-mail makes me feel awesome because with a few checks and the trash button, I’ve just dealt with all those e-mails! Sometimes, I will check/ read the e-mails in that account, but I don’t feel beholden to them, like I do with my other e-mail.

Personal Guidelines

What can help me to use my e-mail more effectively?  Levy is clear in his text that personal guidelines are just that, personal.  They work for an individual and aren’t necessarily generalizable.  I’m going to play around with these personal guidelines for e-mail and see how they work for me, at least for the next couple of weeks, and then I’ll reconsider and revise as necessary:

  1. Put a pause on pushing e-mail.  On my phone, I changed my mail settings to fetch e-mail manually.  This means that I won’t automatically see the number on my mail icon.  I’ll need to open the app and ask it to download my e-mail. As a bonus game, I’m challenging myself to check only when my Apple Watch signals for me to stand (so, a maximum of once an hour, but not in the hours when I’m actually active and getting something done). When I’m focused on a task, I will quit my work e-mail app on my computer and only open it when either: a) I’m done with my task or b) I get my stand cue.
  2. Don’t respond to work e-mail or gmail on my phone.  I thought about deleting both accounts from my phone, but the calendar syncing is really helpful. So, I’m going to try just being intentional about not responding to these e-mails on my phone which I hope will help me establish a pattern of addressing them when I’m more present to my e-mails, on my computer.
  3. When reaching for my phone, pause, and ask why and if that’s really what I want to be doing? In reflecting on the past week and on my present “vacation brain,” I know that I use my phone (e-mail and social media particularly) to avoid things I don’t want to do, or to avoid being present.  I don’t think this is always bad, as sometimes my brain needs a rest, and I work extremely hard. However, I also think that being mindful and finding alternatives that feel more intentional and less stressful could be helpful.  It’s not necessarily that mindless, automatic habits are bad, it’s that this one actually can be really counterproductive.

So, that’s the first exercise.  I’ll keep you all updated as I continue to move forward in mindfulness….